Another perspective that I got from this article:
The only people who fail are those who try.
^_^ Trying something out has 2 possible results: failure and success. If you fail, it is because you tried. Not trying has no possible result, not even failure. I don't want to spend the rest of my life thinking about what "would have" or "could have" been if I just had the guts to do that 1 thing that I wanted.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Talking to someone helps
I posted an entry yesterday saying that I'm having another anxiety attack.
Now, I'm glad to say, I'm alright. I guess hearing other people's comments and opinions helps. I talked to my sister and she had a different perspective on what was bothering me. Whenever my mind is clouded, I can't really think about looking at things in different perspectives. I become blinded to the other possible views. I'm glad I talked to her.
Now, I'm glad to say, I'm alright. I guess hearing other people's comments and opinions helps. I talked to my sister and she had a different perspective on what was bothering me. Whenever my mind is clouded, I can't really think about looking at things in different perspectives. I become blinded to the other possible views. I'm glad I talked to her.
A full day
I woke up pretty early today coz I had to do some stuff.
First off, I went to renew my expired license. Then I went back to my school to get some records.
I miss my college life! I miss walking along those cat walks. Seems like they accepted more students this year. It really feels good. I even thought about going there just to straighten my thoughts.
I'm having another anxiety attack, by the way. I don't know why but thinking clearly isn't working right now. My mind's just going crazy! It feels like I'm rushing through something. Maybe I'm going nuts.
I think I have a social anxiety disorder. Or I might just be thinking it. Oh well... I'll have to think things over tonight. I hope this goes away tomorrow. I need to fix my brain!
First off, I went to renew my expired license. Then I went back to my school to get some records.
I miss my college life! I miss walking along those cat walks. Seems like they accepted more students this year. It really feels good. I even thought about going there just to straighten my thoughts.
I'm having another anxiety attack, by the way. I don't know why but thinking clearly isn't working right now. My mind's just going crazy! It feels like I'm rushing through something. Maybe I'm going nuts.
I think I have a social anxiety disorder. Or I might just be thinking it. Oh well... I'll have to think things over tonight. I hope this goes away tomorrow. I need to fix my brain!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I faced another fear...
Yipee! It really feels very rewarding to face your fears!
I went to my former employer today. I don't know exactly why I'm afraid of that. It's just that there's this feeling of 'guilt' that I had to leave the company. Weird isn't it?
Just as I thought... The night of worrying wasn't worth it! Nothing bad happened! What was I afraid of? Being looked at with 'tiger eyes'. She didn't. Her eyes were kind and soft. She spoke softly to me. I don't know if it's just a facade. But if it was, what's beneath that is not worth the thinking. I could guess and assume as much as I can but at the end of the day, my assumptions are all just assumptions. They are all just products of my imagination. What I saw was a smile on her face, what I heard was her soft voice. What happened beyond that, I can only assume. What I don't know shouldn't affect me.
There. I'm slowly conquering my fears! Just like in the book "The Magic of Thinking Big". The author stated there "If you're afraid of something... do it!".
Writing here has become really very therapeutic. My mind is again at peace. ^_^
I went to my former employer today. I don't know exactly why I'm afraid of that. It's just that there's this feeling of 'guilt' that I had to leave the company. Weird isn't it?
Just as I thought... The night of worrying wasn't worth it! Nothing bad happened! What was I afraid of? Being looked at with 'tiger eyes'. She didn't. Her eyes were kind and soft. She spoke softly to me. I don't know if it's just a facade. But if it was, what's beneath that is not worth the thinking. I could guess and assume as much as I can but at the end of the day, my assumptions are all just assumptions. They are all just products of my imagination. What I saw was a smile on her face, what I heard was her soft voice. What happened beyond that, I can only assume. What I don't know shouldn't affect me.
There. I'm slowly conquering my fears! Just like in the book "The Magic of Thinking Big". The author stated there "If you're afraid of something... do it!".
Writing here has become really very therapeutic. My mind is again at peace. ^_^
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
I Faced My Fear Today!
I like this post's title! ^_^
As part of my "total" overhaul, I decided to face one of my worst fears today - the dentist! I know it's gross but the last time I got my teeth fixed was about 10 years ago. And the last dentist to touch my teeth was my mom. It's kinda weird though that I'm scared to go to the dentist even though I grew up watching one.
Since my mother quit being a dentist years ago, I lost my privilege to a free daily dental checkup. Aside from not knowing where to go, I had the "fear of dentists" thing that I had to overcome.
Today, I faced my fear!
It took me about a week to actually condition myself to go to the dentist. I sorta prepared myself for the sermon ("Why didn't you go to a dentist regularly?") and a shocked expression from the dentist ("What on earth is this?!" When she sees my mouth... it's not that bad, by the way. I was just imagining things. I still have a decent set of pearlies. Still have my 2 front teeth you know.)
If I didn't go today, there's a big chance that I wouldn't have gone. So I thought I'd rather hear all that than go through the pain of watching my teeth rot.
As I was lying on the dental chair, all my fears melted. The dentist didn't have feather hands. I felt pain as imagined. But the pain went away as soon as she lifted her instrument. And the best part about facing my fear is knowing that it's over. I still have some teeth to be fixed but at least 1/3 of the work is over.
You know the greatest thing about facing your fear is the feeling afterwards. It's rewarding. As long as you don't die while facing your fears, you'll realize that it wasn't even worth all the time you spent worrying. I worried for like 1 week but the dentist was done in about an hour.
So I say we stop being afraid. Let's just face our fears and enjoy the rewards after.
Tomorrow... I'm off to face another fear - my previous employer! Hihihihihihihi
As part of my "total" overhaul, I decided to face one of my worst fears today - the dentist! I know it's gross but the last time I got my teeth fixed was about 10 years ago. And the last dentist to touch my teeth was my mom. It's kinda weird though that I'm scared to go to the dentist even though I grew up watching one.
Since my mother quit being a dentist years ago, I lost my privilege to a free daily dental checkup. Aside from not knowing where to go, I had the "fear of dentists" thing that I had to overcome.
Today, I faced my fear!
It took me about a week to actually condition myself to go to the dentist. I sorta prepared myself for the sermon ("Why didn't you go to a dentist regularly?") and a shocked expression from the dentist ("What on earth is this?!" When she sees my mouth... it's not that bad, by the way. I was just imagining things. I still have a decent set of pearlies. Still have my 2 front teeth you know.)
If I didn't go today, there's a big chance that I wouldn't have gone. So I thought I'd rather hear all that than go through the pain of watching my teeth rot.
As I was lying on the dental chair, all my fears melted. The dentist didn't have feather hands. I felt pain as imagined. But the pain went away as soon as she lifted her instrument. And the best part about facing my fear is knowing that it's over. I still have some teeth to be fixed but at least 1/3 of the work is over.
You know the greatest thing about facing your fear is the feeling afterwards. It's rewarding. As long as you don't die while facing your fears, you'll realize that it wasn't even worth all the time you spent worrying. I worried for like 1 week but the dentist was done in about an hour.
So I say we stop being afraid. Let's just face our fears and enjoy the rewards after.
Tomorrow... I'm off to face another fear - my previous employer! Hihihihihihihi
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
P-Noy
Ever since Noynoy Aquino won the elections and sat as the president of our country, I felt assured that this is going to be a good government.
I am full of hope. Yes, I don't know what kind of person P-Noy is. All I know is that he is the son of 2 of the most important persons in the history of the Philippines - Benigno "Ninoy" Aquino and Corazon Aquino. These two names, also in such a mysterious way, brought the Filipino people's nationalism into life. Their family seems to have this charm because Noynoy has also successfully stirred my nationalism into being. It feels like good things are coming our way. Well I guess that's what we call faith - believing in something that can't be seen.
Why have faith in Noynoy you ask? Actually I'm trying to figure that out myself too. As I've said, he's got that charm. It's like a gut feel. And I didn't feel this way towards the former president, GMA. Maybe because our former president already had her shot when Erap got kicked out of Malacanang. She then realized that 3 years wasn't enough to 'do what she had to do for the country'. But I'd rather call her "power hungry". If she really had the desire to serve, her first 3 years would have been enough. Even the following 6 years wasn't enough. So she ran for office in Pampanga. But I'm not questioning the choice of all the Pampangenios who voted for her.
It also seems that I'm not the only person who feels this way. It feels like PNoy's getting a very warm response from a lot of people. According to Pulse Asia, 8 out of 10 Filipinos trust him. Which, I think, would be helpful for this government. I believe that the president is just a part of the equation. The other part would be the citizens. If we don't work with our leader, nothing will happen.
It feels good that for the first time in my life I can say that I like our president and that he makes me feel a certain sense of security.
I am full of hope. Yes, I don't know what kind of person P-Noy is. All I know is that he is the son of 2 of the most important persons in the history of the Philippines - Benigno "Ninoy" Aquino and Corazon Aquino. These two names, also in such a mysterious way, brought the Filipino people's nationalism into life. Their family seems to have this charm because Noynoy has also successfully stirred my nationalism into being. It feels like good things are coming our way. Well I guess that's what we call faith - believing in something that can't be seen.
Why have faith in Noynoy you ask? Actually I'm trying to figure that out myself too. As I've said, he's got that charm. It's like a gut feel. And I didn't feel this way towards the former president, GMA. Maybe because our former president already had her shot when Erap got kicked out of Malacanang. She then realized that 3 years wasn't enough to 'do what she had to do for the country'. But I'd rather call her "power hungry". If she really had the desire to serve, her first 3 years would have been enough. Even the following 6 years wasn't enough. So she ran for office in Pampanga. But I'm not questioning the choice of all the Pampangenios who voted for her.
It also seems that I'm not the only person who feels this way. It feels like PNoy's getting a very warm response from a lot of people. According to Pulse Asia, 8 out of 10 Filipinos trust him. Which, I think, would be helpful for this government. I believe that the president is just a part of the equation. The other part would be the citizens. If we don't work with our leader, nothing will happen.
It feels good that for the first time in my life I can say that I like our president and that he makes me feel a certain sense of security.
Monday, July 26, 2010
What I Love About Myself
I just realized that...
When my life's a mess, thinking straight is a very hard thing to do. All I can see is the bad stuff and I start hating and blaming myself for the stuff that I didn't even do. I start asking "Why am I such a loser?".
That's why I thought keeping a list that states all the things that I love about myself in here would be handy. I'll just have to look at it whenever I feel my confidence dwindle or whenever doubt creeps back in. It's not a brag list by the way. It's just a reminder.
1. I was brought up well by my parents. Thanks to them. I didn't grow up in a perfect environment but I don't smoke, I drink occasionally and in moderation, I don't do drugs, I have no criminal records. (Wow! Just writing about this makes me feel better and prouder about myself)
2. I finished school without failing marks.
3. I finished college without failing marks. I even had good grades on some of my subjects.
4. I graduated from a good university.
5. I am responsible.
6. I smile a lot.
7. I try to remain positive all the time.
8. I love learning.
9. I am passionate about stuff that I love doing.
10. If it's time for work, I work. I know how valuable every second is for a company.
11. I can speak 3 languages: English (good), Japanese (basic-good), Tagalog (very good).
12. I can speak 1 dialect: Ilocano (good)
I'm still getting to know myself. I'll update this list as often as I can.
Other people may think that this may not be enough compared to what they have. But I have no plans of comparing myself to other people. The only goal I have is to concentrate on the things that I love about myself.
I am also aware that I'm not perfect and that there are a lot of stuff that I should change and improve about myself but I'm taking micro steps towards change. I'm not forcing myself. I'll do things slowly. I have lived all my life being this person. It could take another lifetime to change who I am and to better myself. It doesn't matter how long it will take. I can change and I will change.
When my life's a mess, thinking straight is a very hard thing to do. All I can see is the bad stuff and I start hating and blaming myself for the stuff that I didn't even do. I start asking "Why am I such a loser?".
That's why I thought keeping a list that states all the things that I love about myself in here would be handy. I'll just have to look at it whenever I feel my confidence dwindle or whenever doubt creeps back in. It's not a brag list by the way. It's just a reminder.
1. I was brought up well by my parents. Thanks to them. I didn't grow up in a perfect environment but I don't smoke, I drink occasionally and in moderation, I don't do drugs, I have no criminal records. (Wow! Just writing about this makes me feel better and prouder about myself)
2. I finished school without failing marks.
3. I finished college without failing marks. I even had good grades on some of my subjects.
4. I graduated from a good university.
5. I am responsible.
6. I smile a lot.
7. I try to remain positive all the time.
8. I love learning.
9. I am passionate about stuff that I love doing.
10. If it's time for work, I work. I know how valuable every second is for a company.
11. I can speak 3 languages: English (good), Japanese (basic-good), Tagalog (very good).
12. I can speak 1 dialect: Ilocano (good)
I'm still getting to know myself. I'll update this list as often as I can.
Other people may think that this may not be enough compared to what they have. But I have no plans of comparing myself to other people. The only goal I have is to concentrate on the things that I love about myself.
I am also aware that I'm not perfect and that there are a lot of stuff that I should change and improve about myself but I'm taking micro steps towards change. I'm not forcing myself. I'll do things slowly. I have lived all my life being this person. It could take another lifetime to change who I am and to better myself. It doesn't matter how long it will take. I can change and I will change.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Positivity
Well I'll be!
Let me start this post by being honest and spilling all the stuff out. I'd admit that I went through a slump and I'm not yet out of that slump. Let's say I'm starting to move towards recovery.
Early this year, I resigned from the company I'm working for. It was the very first company I worked for and I lasted almost 3 years there. Quite long huh? Why'd you think I quit? The reason... There are a lot of reasons that I could enumerate. Siting them one by one here will only make me try to recall all the bad stuff that happened. I'll make it short and simple: I wasn't happy anymore.
So I summoned the courage I saved up since I was a kindergarten student (for all those times that I didn't speak up for myself... for all those times that I didn't use even a drop of courage) and resigned from my company.
I think I used up all that courage coz I lost the strength to find a new job. I spent so much time moping around.
But the good thing is... I think I'm seeing some light (like what I posted on my previous entry).
You know when you're depressed it isn't hard to see all the bad things in life. Negativity is like rust. It eats you up.
That's where positivity is very vital. It was hard for me to shift my perspective 180 degrees but I did and I feel happy.
How did I find the will to think positive?
I realized that thinking positively is impossible if you've got all these fears in your mind like "they might make fun of me" or "I might not get the job...".... 'Might' is a very powerful word. Try using it the other way like "I might get the job...". Quite a huge difference. I even feel different while saying the two sentences. "I might not get the job" makes me feel like a dwarf. But saying "I might get the job" makes me feel like a flower about to bloom. Seriously! I also have 2 images in mind. The first one is an image of a doctor and a patient in a dark hospital room where the doctor's like saying "you have 2 months!". While the second sentence gives me an image of a guy who bursts into a bright room shouting that he got into Harvard to his family!
Fear is so powerful but we don't realize that it's just a product of our imagination! Remember, some of the things that we imagine, no matter how good they are, don't happen at all. So I guess it's best to stop being afraid and just try doing whatever it is that you're afraid of then see if your imagination is right. If it is right, you've already done it! Congratulations! Fear no more! It's over. If it's wrong, congratulations! You've done it with a bonus of not having to face your fear!
Well I think being afraid is the only thing that's stopping us from thinking positively. Once we conquer that, it's not very hard to be positive anymore.
Let me start this post by being honest and spilling all the stuff out. I'd admit that I went through a slump and I'm not yet out of that slump. Let's say I'm starting to move towards recovery.
Early this year, I resigned from the company I'm working for. It was the very first company I worked for and I lasted almost 3 years there. Quite long huh? Why'd you think I quit? The reason... There are a lot of reasons that I could enumerate. Siting them one by one here will only make me try to recall all the bad stuff that happened. I'll make it short and simple: I wasn't happy anymore.
So I summoned the courage I saved up since I was a kindergarten student (for all those times that I didn't speak up for myself... for all those times that I didn't use even a drop of courage) and resigned from my company.
I think I used up all that courage coz I lost the strength to find a new job. I spent so much time moping around.
But the good thing is... I think I'm seeing some light (like what I posted on my previous entry).
You know when you're depressed it isn't hard to see all the bad things in life. Negativity is like rust. It eats you up.
That's where positivity is very vital. It was hard for me to shift my perspective 180 degrees but I did and I feel happy.
How did I find the will to think positive?
I realized that thinking positively is impossible if you've got all these fears in your mind like "they might make fun of me" or "I might not get the job...".... 'Might' is a very powerful word. Try using it the other way like "I might get the job...". Quite a huge difference. I even feel different while saying the two sentences. "I might not get the job" makes me feel like a dwarf. But saying "I might get the job" makes me feel like a flower about to bloom. Seriously! I also have 2 images in mind. The first one is an image of a doctor and a patient in a dark hospital room where the doctor's like saying "you have 2 months!". While the second sentence gives me an image of a guy who bursts into a bright room shouting that he got into Harvard to his family!
Fear is so powerful but we don't realize that it's just a product of our imagination! Remember, some of the things that we imagine, no matter how good they are, don't happen at all. So I guess it's best to stop being afraid and just try doing whatever it is that you're afraid of then see if your imagination is right. If it is right, you've already done it! Congratulations! Fear no more! It's over. If it's wrong, congratulations! You've done it with a bonus of not having to face your fear!
Well I think being afraid is the only thing that's stopping us from thinking positively. Once we conquer that, it's not very hard to be positive anymore.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Cluttered
The only word I can use to describe my mind... and my computer... and my desk... and my room.... right now. I hate seeing stuff fall out of place. It makes me feel anxious and it makes me feel like I'm a total wreck.
But I guess I don't have to worry because some things are falling into place. I'd say I'm seeing something bright ahead of me. At least my life isn't cluttered. Well it used to be. Like I said... I'm seeing a... I don't know what it is... It could be a car's headlight or the end of the tunnel.
Sometimes I'm wondering if I actually have an obsessive-compulsive disorder. I think that I do but sometimes, I'm too messy to be an OC. Woah, it rhymes! But I hate seeing these stuff so cluttered. I wanna do something but I don't know where to start. The bad thing is that... the line "I start what I finish" doesn't work for me. Cluttered.!!!
But I guess I don't have to worry because some things are falling into place. I'd say I'm seeing something bright ahead of me. At least my life isn't cluttered. Well it used to be. Like I said... I'm seeing a... I don't know what it is... It could be a car's headlight or the end of the tunnel.
Sometimes I'm wondering if I actually have an obsessive-compulsive disorder. I think that I do but sometimes, I'm too messy to be an OC. Woah, it rhymes! But I hate seeing these stuff so cluttered. I wanna do something but I don't know where to start. The bad thing is that... the line "I start what I finish" doesn't work for me. Cluttered.!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)